The "D" button

I think one of the best feelings in the world is when you go to delete a contact from your phone and it asks you "Are you sure you want to delete this contact" you think about it for a min...Do I really want to delete them, I don't know their number so I really can't have contact with them anymore, is this the right thing to do? Then you do it, you push the irreversable little button that says "yes" and suddenly you feel a huge weight off your shoulders. Well at least that is how I felt this morning when I did it. *sigh* after 3 years of friendship, the 1st year and a half were awesome but its just been a slow downhill dimise after that. When I got the 500th call on Sat morning saying " I don't think we should talk anymore" I for the first time had no feeling about it, no remorse, no but why not, nothing at all I just said yep. I know what I can handle and what I can deal with in friendships and this is not one of them anymore.I tried my best and in the end you have to think of what is best for yourself and someone who doesn't know how to be a friend or treat the people they "care about" right is not a person I care to be associated with anymore. Its sad to let something or someone who you once cared about go but I know that I need to do what is best for me.I am tired of being a shoulder to cry on and someone to turn to when you need someone and NEVER getting the same thing in return. The person that I once cared about and used to go out with to shows, bars, movies is not the same person anymore, they are like a dead,cold body laying in the hospital bed just waiting for someone to pull the plug on them. But like I said to them you made your bed now you have to lay in it. 

I do on the other hand believe that everything happens for a reason, no not all the universe crap ( LOL) but that people come into and out of your life for a reason. I have always believed that and I have no regrets about the situation. If I had never met this person I would not have met all the amazing friends I have now, I would have never seen or been introduced to all the bands who now I can't get enough of or had all the drunken stories and memories to last a lifetime! I can't look back and say I wish I had never met this person because as I learned from my previous relationship/friendships you always get something good out of every bad situation and that is my friendships, ones that I will take with me long after this is over. And to those friends thank you over and over again for being there for me always day or night!  We are all old enough to know how we should be treated and how we should treat others and as for me I have enough friends and people in my life who care about me and know how to be a real friend that I don't need to bother or worry about the ones who don't. 

When did I grow up?

When did the time start to go so quickly? When did I grow up and become an adult and have responsibilities that I only once thought of. I have noticed that since I turned 25 the years just kept going faster and faster and yet I didn't slow down.My 20's were such an insane time for me both good and bad.  I bought my 1st place, lost my mom, broke up with a boyfriend who I had had for years, traveled to places I had never been, almost died from a blood clot in my brain, owned a car I really couldn't afford and had several experiences that some I would never like to try again but at the time were just perfect for me. All of this went by in the blink of an eye and now all I have now are the memories.  I was always told as a child that this would happen when I reached my mid 20's but they never told me how fast it would go when I reached my 30's. This was only brought up to me yesterday by a friend when she text and said "your birthday is creeping up on us again, what are you planning"? Planning, I had not even thought of anything yet. It can't be coming up I just turned 30 I am not ready to actually be in my 30's yet. That is such a big number to me, yet as I am seeing a realistic  one at best. There is no turning back the hands of time or the perpetual clock that in 7 weeks from now will make me *gasp* 31 years old. I believe that age is only a number and that it is how you act that defines you although looking young doesn't hurt either so at least that is on my side. 

I sometimes say the words that everyone says " I thought I would be somewhere totally different when I was this age". I do believe that in some ways, I thought I would be married with 2 kids by now and yet I am single with no kids. It took me a while to accept that part of my life but with time I realized that it was the there is no rush and no time frame saying that you have to do something by a certain age, it all comes to you when it's supposed to. I love the life I have now and wouldn't change it for anything. I have a great apartment, wonderful family and the best friends anyone could ask for. I think I am ready for most anything life has to bring me so bring it on 31, just wait another 7 weeks to do it and let me enjoy being just 30 a little longer!